Mexican border guards catch 579 Americans sneaking into Mexico!

13 Oct

El Alberto, Mexico — Mexican Border guards have arrested 579 American citizens crossing illegally into Mexico. The trend of Hispanic immigration to US from Mexico has completely reversed and now it’s illegal immigration of American citizens into Mexico. Most of the immigrants are lured by prospects of living beyond shadow of increasingly authoritarian US government and  a debt free healthy lifestyle.

This is increasingly the situation of illegal immigration today. Migrant shelters along the Mexican border are filled with newcomers looking for a better life, but also with seasoned criminals: senators, congressmen, lobbyists, lawyers, judges, CEOs,managers and journalists, often previously rich Americans, braving ever-greater risks to leave authoritarian US government — the country they consider incarnation of both Nazi Germany and Communist USSR.

           Take case of Karl from New York. In his previous life in USA, he was working for Hedge fund MF Global, selling spurious derivatives to daffy customers. He crossed illegally into Mexico last year to work in maize farm because his company MF global went bust.

“I am an American citizen and I have to go back to my foreclosed house, my beloved Mercedes  — I have to get back to them, I want to pay back my taxes, my student loans, my alimony and serve my jail sentence” Karl  kept yelling , from the moment he was arrested in El Alberto, Mexico for working below minimum wage on a Maize farm.

               Nothing would deter him from crossing the border again. He had left his hometown New York last year, he said. One year later, he spoke nearly fluent Spanish and earned 10 pesos per day as laborer.This trend presents an enormous challenge to Mexican policy makers, because country can not accommodate all illegal American immigrants. It is not just that the Mexican economy is booming but the crime has shot up.

“Most of the American illegal immigrants know very little about real work. They think Mexican government will provide them with food stamps, welfare, and free healthcare. Very few of them have worked previously. We have one million lawyers working as sanitary workers. They seem to like this work..” Said Juan.  

               And yet, while these factors — and no opportunities at home — have increased illegal immigration from USA to Mexico to  its highest level in centuries.

Indeed, 85 percent of 579 americans apprehended at the Mexican border  involved people who were rich previously.For the Mexico government, these illegal immigrants have become a high priority.Orders have been issued to kill any illegal immigrant crossing into Mexico from USA..

USA declares war on California!!!

10 Oct

Washington DC

10 October

USA have declared war on California on the account of human rights violations and harboring weapons of mass destruction.The move was prompted after gas prices rose sharply to $5 in many cities in California,leading to exodus of millions of Californians from the beleaguered state.

“The refugees coming out from California are dirty and smelly.They want free food,free healthcare,Welfare benefits.They are lazy freeloaders and feel entitled to get everything for free.They will destroy spirit of the nation.Our founding fathers wanted country to be free of  freeloaders .Most of them are radical communists.They want to destabilize our god fearing christian nation.We have to destroy California to save USA” Said a Pentagon Official on the condition of anonymity.

“We can’t allow California to acquire nuclear weapons and harbor communists.It is bigger danger to Israel than Iran” Said prime minister Netanyahu,speaking from Tel Aviv.

“California is violating all international human right norms by allowing to increase gas prices beyond $5 and sending refugees to USA.They are also capable of getting nuclear and chemical weapons.They are threat to world and  must be neutralized.” Said Secretary of war,Hillary Clinton.

A Texas senator has proposed building fence around state “to keep vermin out” of USA.

The state,which produces world’s leading communists have been thorn in eyes of USA from long time.The current gas crisis helped widen the rift.The rising gas prices have increased debt to 5 trillion dollars.

California ,which used to be world’s 9 th largest economy have fallen behind North Korea.Thee current gas crisis have emptied its coffers and many cities have stopped functioning.

Meanwhile US army have started concentrating its forces at USA- California border and an attack is eminent.

“We will promote democracy in USA” Putin

7 Oct

Kremlin,Moscow

Sunday,7 October

   Russian President Putin vowed to bring democracy to USA in coming years.

   “Russia is committed to bring democracy to USA and whole world,” Putin said in an interview on the Central Television program broadcast on the NTV television network on Sunday.

    “I think USA is controlled by bankers,corporate honchos,lobbyists,think tanks and defense contractors.US media is corrupt and bigoted.The American two party system is just a sham.Seems like USA don’t have finer democratic traditions and freedoms like Russia.These people live in middle age and need to be taught.We will teach Americans how to run a democratic country in modern world. We might try to carry our red revolution in USA.” Putin said.

    Upon being asked whether he wants to send any of the powerful American elites to labor camps just like he did with Mikhail Khodorkovsky.

    “Off course,we have been searching for a suitable location to set up labor camps.So far we have fixed few location in Alaska and Nevada.We Russians are known to punish blood sucking businessmen and we will do that in USA too.The wealth looted by corrupt elites needs to be shared by proletariat not only by elites.”

     Upon being asked which elites he wasnt to be jailed specifically,Putin said,” Madonna,Justin Bieber,Lady Gaga and everybody who earns above $ 25,000 per year.”

     The president was very sad upon falling behind USA in jailing its residents.

   “The recent rise in killing of American civilians by American law enforcement is a disturbing trend and needs to be curbed. It reminds me of USSR under Beria and Stalin.The only difference is no visible dictator or political doctrine  is apparent in USA..We can provide that and establish worker’s paradise.”

  “For a very long time,Russia maintained maximum number of prisoners in its prisons and now USA have overtaken us.I won’t allow it to continue.We were number one and we will be…”Said Putin while breaking table into two with his judo kick.

Furious Obama destroys all teleprompters in White House

4 Oct

Washington DC

4 October

President Obama has personally destroyed all the teleprompters in white house after losing presidential debate with Mitt Romney yesterday.

The operation,which started after president reached presidential palace,took place in early hours of morning.All the white house staff watched with disbelief when a raging President took out his powerful drill and destroyed his beloved teleprompters.He also used power saw to cut them into pieces.After that he bombed the pieces with 500 kg of plastic explosive.The president was literally foaming and boiling.

“How the fuck can i speak if I am not allowed to use my beloved teleprompters in debates?If Romney is allowed to use magic underwear,I must be allowed to use my teleprompters.”said Obama in briefing at white house .Other white house officials were not available for comment.

The destruction of 1000 teleprompters,which the President collected from his college days have evoked glee in GOP.

Breaking!US Embassy attacked in USA

13 Sep

Washington DC and New York City (Cooters) – Demonstrators attacked the U.S. embassies  in Washington DC and New York city on Thursday in protest at a NDAA law  they consider blasphemous to US constitution. A total of 5,00,000 troops consisting of FBI,DHS,BATF,DEA and 10 divisions of US army have been deployed to control the spontaneous mob

Hundreds of American  demonstrators broke through the main gate of the heavily fortified Embassy compound in eastern Washington, shouting “We sacrifice ourselves for you, US constitution”. Earlier they smashed windows of security offices outside the embassy and burned cars.

“We can see a fire inside the compound and security forces are firing in the air. The demonstrators are fleeing and then charging back,” one witness told Cooters. A security source said at least 1500 people were killed in police firing and efforts are being made to destroy dead bodies in open sea.An embassy spokesman said its personnel were reported to be safe.

In NY t, protesters hurled Gucci handbags,i-phones,purses,soft drink cans at a police cordon around the U.S. embassy in central New York after climbing into the embassy and tearing down the American flag. The state news agency said 1000 people were ikilled by police bullets and efforts are underway to kill more.

NDAA is the law which gives unprecedented powers to US government to arrest,detain any citizen for indefinite period.The law was drafted in view of social unrest in the country after rich people looted average citizens to their last penny.

Mavens, a 85-year-old California-born auto worker who spent a career operating on perilous American made cars, became the first American citizen killed by police.

A Government doctor pronounced him dead of cardiac arrest. The bodies of other protesters have not been identified.

 

  

Outrage! Bankrupt U.S. want to a sell Statue of liberty to pay Banker’s Bonuses.Furious France want it back

9 Sep

NY city

9 September 2012

             In dramatic developments in NY city, the city managers have decided to sell Statue of Liberty to pay Banker’s Christmas bonuses.

            The Statue of liberty is a colossal neoclassical sculpture on Liberty Island in New York Harbor, designed by Frédéric Bartholdi and dedicated on October 28, 1886. The statue, a gift to the United States from the people of France, is of a robed female figure representing Libertas, the Roman goddess of freedom, who bears a torch and a tabula ansata (a tablet evoking the law) upon which is inscribed the date of the American Declaration of Independence, July 4, 1776. A broken chain lies at her feet. The statue is an icon of freedom and of the United States: a welcoming signal to immigrants arriving from abroad.

            “ Our  talented bankers have taken tremendous losses in markets and it is high possibility they will have to forgo Christmas bonus. Economy of our city depends on fraudulent activities of bankers and stock brokers. If they don’t get bonus,they might migrate to Singapore or Hongkong,leaving us deprived of their world class intelligence.” Said a city officer.”We can’t allow it to happen. Our lives are at stake here. Anyway statue of liberty no longer represents values of modern day America. So it is better to sell it as long as metal prices are high.”

            The French officials expressed outrage and dismay over the sell.

“The statue was gifted by us in view keeping U.S. will be symbol of independence of spirit for all the world. I think U.S.A. is rapidly degrading into a banana dictatorship. If they can’t maintain it, France is ready to take it back.”Said a consulate officer.

            Upon being asked about the angry opinion of French officials, a city lawyer explained “The gift is not property of France. It is now property of U.S. citizens and NY city can sell it to anyone they want.We need to pay the bankers.”

The auctioning procedure has already started and NY City has received topping bids from Taliban, Saudi Arabia, Ecuador.

            A Taliban spokesman explained “We want to buy and blow it to smithereens, just like we did with Bamiyan Buddha statues.”

            While Saudi Arabians didn’t give their reasons,Ecuador stressed they are only truly free and democratic in world except Afghanistan.    

NSA to offshore its data mining work to India

31 Aug

Fort George G. Meade, Maryland

Date and source.shared on need to know basis

     U.S.A.’s domestic spy agency NSA will soon start sending huge chunk of data for data mining work to some unnamed Indian software companies.It has to be noted that NSA is responsible for spying on every known communication in U.S. and rest of the world.

    The scale of the operations at the NSA is hard to determine from unclassified data; some 18,000 parking spaces are visible in photos of the site. In 2006,The Baltimore Sun reported that the NSA was at risk of electrical overload because of insufficient internal electrical infrastructure at Fort Meade to support the amount of equipment being installed. This problem was apparently recognized in the 1990s but not made a priority, and “now the agency’s ability to keep its operations going is threatened.”

    NSA has already built its first Comprehensive National Cyber-security Initiative (CNCI) Data Center; the “Utah Data Center” at Camp Williams,Utah at the cost of US$ 1.5 Billions.Apparently,it is not enough.

    The extensive collection of every call made by U.S. citizens,current bank account information,travel details,internet activity,traffic photos have burdened NSA so much that it is collecting 5 terabites of information everyday.Excluding U.S.,NSA tries to collect information from every country of world because current U.S. military doctrine say every country except Israel is its sworn enemy.

    This huge flow of information makes it impossible to mine data for terrorists(terrorist is a general term used to describe anybody who opposes U.S. govt in any form). Apart from this,cost pressures seems to have forced NSA bosses to look for an alternative and it seems they found it.

    Indian companies are glad to get this huge contract and hope no important data collected by NSA remains secure.