Archive | July, 2012

NYPD officer chokes on donuts,Bloomberg thinkiing of banning Donuts from New York

29 Jul

New York

29 July,2012

A veteran NYPD police officer choked to death upon ingesting his 500 th donut offered free by a New York restaurant.His two other compatriots have been airlifted to hospital and said to be recovering from serious stomach problems. It has to be reminded that NYPD officers get free food as s result of directive issued by commissioner.

Upon hearing this sad news,New York Mayor Bloomberg have decided to ban sale of donuts indefinitely from New York city.This move may affect livelihood of some 500 people.But sale of donuts imported from China will not be banned under any circumstance.

North Korean Police chief is happy at the progress made by US in mimicking its internal security model

29 Jul

Cambridge,MA:

29 July,2012

Speaking at the conference organized by Kennedy School of Government,North Korean Police Chief Lee Myeong Su expressed his happiness over the efforts taken by US administration to implement some of North Korean Security measures.

“I like you Americans to mimic our model of internal security.The citizens must be reined and suppressed at every opportunity.But i don’t like your prisons.They have too much of luxury and prisoners don’t do any productive work.Although i like efforts taken by American police and judiciary to put maximum citizens behind the bars but it is still not enough.To make a successful police force,you must disarm the individual citizens.”Upon reminded about UN gun ban treaty,the North Korean Police chief smiled and finished his talk.

  The co-operation between North Korean Police and US police force is not a well known fact but apparently CIA and FBI are eager to learn their methods.

Netanyahu says US must grant citizenship to every illegal and asylum seeker

29 Jul

Tel Aviv

29 July,2012

Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu says US must give citizenship to every illegal and asylum seeker who crosses border to promote multiculturalism and peace.The prime minister was speaking at a function  to celebrate ouster of African asylum seekers from Israel.

” It is duty of US to act as a beacon of freedom and hope to these unfortunate human beings who suffered from wars,starvation,terrorist activities.Israel fully supports US in granting full citizenship to illegals.But these rules don’t apply to us because we are God’s chosen people and are spared from effects of multiculturalism.”He said

It has to reminded that Israel threw out 50,000 poor African migrants out just because they didn’t carry citizenship papers with them.

All secret services and Police departments to be merged to form behemoth rivaling KGB

29 Jul

Washington D.C.

28 Saturday

      All secret services and police departments will be merged to form a behemoth agency rivaling former USSR’s dreaded KGB.This move was prompted by rivalries between sister departments and agencies which ultimately affect intelligence gathering and anti-terrorism efforts.

    Inspired by erstwhile KGB’s efficiency in handling defectors,counter

terrorism,counter espionage techniques,American intelligence community is heavily in favor of the move made by state department.

   Currently domestic counterespionage is handled by FBI but it had very limited success in stopping terrorist attacks.The only terrorists caught by FBI seems to be trained by FBI itself.The intelligence efforts by CIA in middle east and Latin America have proven to be huge failures.

   This move will unify all the police departments working under different managements.All the cops working for State,County,local,ATF,DA,DHS,National guards,DEA,Border Patrol will be brought under unified command.

  This new agency will have staff strength between 8,00,000 to 2 million and it will work in every country of world to promote peace and democracy.

   A unnamed state department official said this will prove be a huge deterrent against any spontaneous or planned revolution by American proletariat

US School invites Putin,Ahmadinejad ,Kim Jong-un,Hu Jintao to lecture on “Police State in USA”

13 Jul

Cambridge(MA):

July 12

In an official announcement, Prestigious Kennedy School of Government have invited Vladimir Putin,Mohmad Ahmadinejad,Kim Jong-un and Hu Jintao for a lecture series on “Police state in USA:The present and future”.

The US government have passed more than 2,00,000 laws and have approximately 8,00,000 law enforcement officers,1,20,000 lawyers,Privately run prisons;US is supposed to be model police state.

But Russian president Vladimir Putin disagrees.He insisted American way of wasting good money after bad when whole country can be easily converted into a big labor camp like Stalin did in USSR.

Speaking to this reporter,Putin said,”Stalin managed to wipe out 20 million people in 1930 s alone .And he did it without all the modern gizmos.The justice and punishment were swift and severe.When you eliminate offenders,we don’t need lawyers,courts,judges and other crap.Just throw the offenders in labor camp like i did with Michail Khodorkovsky”.

North Korean leader and Chinese leader declined the offer but Iranian president Ahmadinejad gladly accepted the offer.Invites were also sent to Israeli Prime minister Netanyahu but he declined the offer insisting it would create serious conflict of interest.

Kansas State passes law banning weather reports

8 Jul

Topeka,Kansas

July 6

Mel Roberts

In a special session called by Governor,The Republican-majority Kansas state legislature passed a law banning weather reports in media.This is further move to control and deny the so called “global warming”movement according to a member.

The legislation comes a week a month of extreme hot weather that caused huge wild fires in the states of Colorado and Arizona.The soaring temperatures from last few days have produced devastation in the state.No heat related deaths have been reported but fearing public backlash over changing weather,Kansas state legislature acted swiftly.

According to this law,mentioning,forecasting weather is permanently banned from Kansas state boundaries.Terming the law as revolutionary,a Republican member of house said “Bible says using weather prediction service in any form is unchristian and heathen.This form of idolatry have been going on in this country from a century.Our founding fathers never envisioned a populace beheld by atheistic and communist art of weather prediction.This law will surely increase faith of our people in  state legislature and Holy Bible.”

 

Arizona senate appoints Benjamin “Bibi” Netanyahu as their official saint

7 Jul

Phoenix 

By Monica Baginski

July 7,2012

    In an emergency session called by Senate majority leader,Arizona senate passed a law bestowing “Arizona’s Official Saint” title on Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.The law takes effect from July 15 .

  The law describes “The First official saint of Arizona will have honor to sign and represent every law passed by Arizona senate.His photos will be displayed in every government office,schools and every religious place(regardless of denomination).”

 “Netanyahu has shown us how Israel tackles problem of illegal immigrants.We admire for his stance against palestians and illegals.Although our tough anti immigration law failed,we will soon pray our patron saint for further success.”Said a state senator on condition of anonymity.

 ” I am glad that my true value have been recognized by brave Arizona senators.It gives me immense pleasure to be patron saint to Arizona.I hope they can capture my expression well in all the photographs ans statues.” said Prime minister Benjamin Netyanahu from Israel.